Men's underwear technology

Just love reading Jon Carroll's column (http://www.sfgate.com/columnists/carroll/), and thought I'd put out a few words about part of what he discusses this morning: men's underwear.

For the gentleman who's not content to wallow about in pair of boxers, the lines he discusses just might be for you. One in particular stood out to me - Equmen. Not only are their products designed to assist men achieve a pleasing shape (that would probably sound entirely too femmey), Equmen uses SCIENCE and TECHNOLOGY to deliver to its wearers increased HEALTH and ENERGY.

In their own words from their website (www.equmen.com):
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Discover the ultimate in comfort and fit with EQUMEN PRECISION UNDERWEAR. Engineered compression fabrics and ergonomic design optimise health and well-being, street to sport. With HELIX-MAPPING TECHNOLOGY:
• Precision-Fit Pouch: Double-ventilated pouch provides ultra-comfortable support.
• Streamlines & Defines: Body-defining, second skin fit. Added stretch enhances shape retention.
• Controls Temperature: Targeted mesh, moisture-wicking fabric and anti-microbial properties ensure all-day comfort.
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"Added stretch enhances shape retention"? Is that even meaningful? Leaving the whole can of worms about what's involved with "shape retention" to the side, to my ear, "added stretch" does not cohere with retaining shape, but with the opposite instead.

"Anti-microbial properties ensure all-day comfort." ?. I. ..... I. .... I admit it: I don't know what to say. But here comes the shitstorm from my brain all the same. Microbial properties in men's underwear typically leads to discomfort? Is that why they scratch themselves so much? Is this product description implying that all the men I know are all calmly going about their days with microbes running amuck in their junk due to unhygienic underwear?

And another product: the undershirt, again in their own words:
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Be at your best with the EQUMEN CORE PRECISION UNDERSHIRT.

Engineered compression fabrics and ergonomic design optimise health and well-being, street to sport. HELIX-MAPPING TECHNOLOGY builds in physiotherapy techniques to:
• Improve Posture: Gently pull the shoulders back to enable optimal alignment. Proper postural alignment is known to facilitate oxygen-flow for enhanced energy.
• Help Reduce Back Pain: By correcting posture and supporting the core, allows the muscles to exert less effort in supporting the weight of the body, thereby relieving pain in the back.
• Visibly Streamline: Second skin fit and targeted compression visibly slims for a more tailored look.
• Control Temperature: Targeted mesh, moisture-wicking fabric and anti-microbial properties ensure you stay dry and comfortable all-day.
• Enhance Circulation: Helps to support healthy blood flow, oxygen and nutrient delivery.
• Support Muscle Recovery: Assists recovery through direct compression and improved muscle oxygenation.
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Improved oxygenation, enhanced energy. And again with the anti-microbes. I guess if your partner isn't wearing these products, you'd better hose him down with a can of Lysol before you get close and personal next time!